Gold digging

A Belarusian friend lamented, mainly in jest, that she had been unable to meet and marry a rich foreigner. That kind of thing happens around here sometimes, and it’s an easy exit from a dreary economy. For the general good, then, I’ll share what little I know about gold digging.

I’ve gotten to know two gold diggers willing to share with me something about how they think and operate. Let’s be clear about it: this is work. I met Gold Digger Number One, whom I’ll call Natalia, at dance class a few years ago. When I first met her, she told me she worked in tech. This had been true at one time, but was no longer true by the time I met her. She had befriended some sort of Czech criminal, who bought her an apartment and continued to send her money. While they still communicated, he couldn’t just pop in to visit because Interpol was looking for him. The authorities had asked Natalia about him too, and she told them she did not know how to reach him.

So, by the time I met her, Natalia was developing new skills, including salsa dancing; and networking with other foreigners on the internet. She had one particularly promising American on the line, and she asked me for help sometimes with terms of endearment in English. There had been a Spaniard before him, but he seemed to Natalia overly cynical, encouraging her to squeeze more money out of the Czech. Over dinner, we talked about gold diggers. She averred that she was not a gold digger herself, although she described one of her classmates as one. She simply liked to meet nice rich guys who would show her a good time, and in return she’d “show her gratitude.” “And,” she added brightly, “it’s fun.”

So, in Natalia’s example, we see a transactional mindset and a focused trolling for rich foreigners. I’m not sure what percentage of her guys imagined they were looking for long-term relationships, but she ultimately did marry a Lithuanian guy and stayed married to him for a couple of years. She trolled with subtlety, haunting dating sites and behaving romantically. Her Facebook profile included a collection of professional photographs which presented her in flattering and alluring ways. One photo suggested that she might have posed in the nude, but of course one would have to get to know her better in order to see the rest of those photos. She never said anything that made me imagine she really thought romantically, but she didn’t disabuse me of the belief either.

Gold Digger Number Two, whom I’ll call Katherine, told me in no uncertain terms that she didn’t believe in love. Alla and I met her over dinner at a friend’s house. Katherine had invited herself over when she learned that our friends were hosting a couple of Americans. She arrived in a tight dress, and radiated sexuality and availability. Katherine was older and more experienced than Natalia. By this time, she appeared to be financially stable and didn’t waste her time on anybody she couldn’t identify right away as financially secure. She liked to travel, and enjoyed visiting wealthy foreigners. But she bristled when I spoke of love. Perhaps love existed between her and her dogs, but nowhere else in her world. Like Natalia, she appeared to think transactionally.

I’m tempted to editorialize. This all strikes me as very cynical, and it discounts what is to me among the most important things in the world: love. Statistically, people who love well live longer, but clearly some people like to burn their candles from both ends and enjoy the bright lights while they last. Anyway, that’s how it’s done: Search actively, radiate sexuality and availability, keep a short time horizon and make the best deals you can. Good luck.